Give Thanks

Click to see it bigger.

Sleep

(To be read like a poem)

Sleep, sly seducer of the Night, wandering from its natural realm of Moon and Star, sneaking, creeping, scheming in enemy territory. Not fearing his Shining Adversary, he tempts, he taunts, beckoning Day into the respite of Night. Flee, you treacherous Foe! I will not give into bribery. A nap is not sufficient to uproot my loyalties to the present tasks at hand. Spy, you must continue your disguises and your tricks, taunts, temptations somewhere else. Ignoring the irritating thug, I continue my work. Alert, perceptive, and in deep concentration, scarcely am I mindful of the espionage at hand. Eyelids, why are you drooping? Slowly they sag under the weight of my diligence. Helplessly, I allow them to slip shut—another victory for the Night. It wasn’t my fault, I couldn’t resist. But still Guilt persists with tormenting chants: “Traitor, traitor, traitor!” So I am a traitor. Against the cunning deceit of Sleep I am seemingly powerless. I betrayed the Day, the Sun, where my true allegiance was. Now I am a citizen of the Night—dark, dusky, comfortably dull—drowsing deep into the refuges of my conniving victor, Sleep.

A Dear Friend

A couple weeks ago I had to get a new journal because my old one was completely filled up. It is nice. It’s one of those really cool looking journals from Barnes & Noble, with an antique leather look like something I imagine famous authors writing in. Dead authors—like Jane Austen or Charles Dickens or Shakespeare or somebody. But even though it looks old on the outside, on the inside the pages are a new, crisp white. It’s so inviting. Oh the wonders a fresh, blank book and an inky black pen can do for the creative soul!

I don’t remember exactly when I began journaling—probably when I was around fourteen. Never have I written very consistently, and it took all of high school for me to fill even one journal. But despite my sporadic entries, somehow that journal managed to capture not necessarily every event of my life, but my main thoughts and ideas, struggles and growth. When I got the new journal, I thought it would be interesting to read through the old one in its entirety, a task which proved to be simultaneously encouraging and embarrassing. On one hand, some of the things I had written on those pages were incredibly stupid. Really, I have never read dumber ideas. Other times, I was quite shocked by how insightful some of the entries were (especially in comparison to the less-intelligent things I had written…). At any rate, one thing that was definitely nice about reading through it was seeing how much I have grown, spiritually, intellectually, and also as a writer. From the first entry to the last, it’s difficult to believe the author is the same person.

And so, the moral of the story is: you should keep a journal. Even if you only write in it once a month, it’s worthwhile. It is so nice to be able to look back and see everything you have been through, all you have accomplished and overcome, and also the things you still need to improve on. Journaling is an immensely fulfilling habit; it securely holds onto what your memory would otherwise leave in the dust.

If Shoes Could Talk

This is a page of my beat up tennis shoes that I just finished. For some reason I can't get a smaller picture on here and blogger keeps cutting it off, but you can click on the photo to see the whole thing.

Occasionally I try my hand at digital scrapbooking. Compared to regular scrapbooking, which of course requires tons of paper, stickers, ribbons and other little do-dads, it is much less messier because the materials never leave my computer. The only downside is that working with Photoshop can be a bit of a pain. Our family computer is not very big or powerful, and working with all the layers that a scrapbook page requires really bogs it down.

Suggestions/critique/random thoughts are welcome.

Who Could Ask for Anything More?

Gershwin is simply amazing. It never fails, whenever I hear or play anything written by him my heart and mind soar into the sky, exploding in the Milky Way into a thousand specks of firework-like joy. I don't know what it is, but his music instantly puts a person in a good mood. I have lost track of the number of times I have had a terrible day and been on the verge of tears, but had a complete mood turn-around after playing some Gershwin. There's something about it that makes the sky bluer, the sun brighter, the grass greener, the breeze warmer and more pleasant, and the people around you seem friendlier. If his music were easier, I would learn every song he ever wrote in a heartbeat. I find his songs pretty difficult because they're usually very fast with a lot of jumping around, up and down the keyboard. And his hands must have been a lot bigger than mine, because my fingers can never reach all the notes in his chords! His music is a real pain to practice but so rewarding and fun once you can play it. And that is why I am trudging through it now - in a couple months it is going to be so thrilling to play.

And if you're having a not-so-great kind of day and are in need of something to lighten your spirits, here is a pretty awesome arrangement of "I Got Rhythm." It's a bit slow at the beginning, but watch the whole thing, it gets super amazing.

Complacency

In the midst of all these worksheets, essays, reading assignments, I'm afraid I'll get caught up in it all and lose sight of the real goal, the true reason I am here. It was different, sitting at my desk in my room at home, my mother my teacher. Then, learning was the end of every effort, the desire behind every task. It's different, here in college. Learning is still important, still desired and required, but there are more distractions, more details that get in the way. How easy it is to focus on passing the quiz instead of understanding the novel or to be content with a good grade on an essay and not seek knowledge beyond that. It is convenient, very convenient, to do the work, write the essays, pass the tests, fill out the worksheets, read the books, and end it there. There is more available, greater understanding and learning is achievable, but it's not required. If it's not written in the syllabus, why bother? That is the question of the day, but the answer I cannot quite put into words. Something inside of me whispers that going to class and answering the questions is not enough. Asking questions, too, and delving beyond the questions into deep caverns of unknown is just as necessary, just as important. This is my struggle: this fight between being content to fulfill requirements or going beyond that and exploring more, between doing just enough or following that ardent desire to learn really and truly. Focusing, refocusing, and focusing again is what I need to keep from tripping over that endless cycle of homework assignments, losing sight of the reason behind them.

Religion Class

This semester I signed up to take Religion 101 for gen ed requirement. The official title of the course is "Religions in the United States," and I thought it would be fun because I like learning about other religions. However, it's not exactly what I expected. I was anticipating studying the beliefs of a lot of different religions, but instead, the focus is really on the history of all of the religions in the United States: how they have developed, adapted, etc. It's actually really disappointing. We are studying all major religions in the U.S., but we are going through them so quickly - one week for each religion - we don't have a chance to learn anything worthwhile about them. It's rather pointless. The first thing we studied was Native American religions. For the entire week our teacher in class as well as our outside readings kept saying how important it is to understand Native Americans and their religious practices, because they are so frequently overlooked. I was totally psyched. Great, I thought, I don't know a lot about Native American religions, so this should be a fabulous opportunity. Unfortunately, we only learned three common elements of their religious practices: that they are rooted in the land, that they have a history of a struggle for survival (what with colonization and all), and that they are ways of life, completely inseparable from other parts of their culture. I am not exaggerating, this is really all we learned about their religions and this is word-for-word what was on the test. After all that jazz about the under appreciation of Native Americans, and the importance of recognizing and understanding their spiritual practices, we scarcely learned anything about them.

Something else has been bothering me about this class. At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, because pretty much everything we've been learning is technically true. However, I think the problem lies in what is not being taught. We move through everything at a very rapid pace, too fast to get the whole picture of the historical events we're studying. When we were learning about Judaism two weeks ago we were taught that Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year and an object associated with it is the shofar. That's it. On Friday we spent about ten minutes studying the Great Awakening. Really now, that is simply not enough time to properly understand anything. We are also not getting an accurate view of these historical things because we are looking at them through a modern lense. I've noticed that my teacher and classmates seem to judge every religion, person, and historical document we look at by how tolerant they are of other religions. For instance, white colonial settlers who were nice to the Native Americans are good. People who were not are bad. Pure and simple. Back in the day, tolerance was not on most people's priority lists - they placed importance on an entirely different set of values. But rather than looking at their values and examining the complexities of the situations that gave way to what we now call intolerant behaviors, we just judge them based on their tolerance. It is pretty pointless and, I think, impossible to truly study history in this way.

On a more positive note, we have had one interesting assignment. We are all required to attend a service of a religion different than our own. There are a lot of different options - Jewish synagogues, Buddhist temples, pretty much anything you can think of. I ended up going to an Antiochian Orthodox church yesterday morning and I must say, it was pretty cool. It was really different, and I definitely learned a lot from it. After the service we were able to talk with the deacon and ask him questions. He was very nice and I think our conversation was productive, although I really wish we could've had more time to talk with him. Hopefully I have enough information, because I have to get a 5 page paper out of this visit.

Experimenting with Textures

I am always looking for new textures to add to my collection, and recently my aunt showed me some especially cool ones. They may not look like much by themselves, but they can make ordinary photographs look much more interesting and beautiful. I've tested out a few of these amazing textures some of my pictures....

Before:
After:

Week One...

I have been officially in college for one week now - so far, so good! Last Spring I agonized over "the college decision" for what seemed like an eternity, but once I finally made up my mind and sent in my deposit, I never thought about it again. I know that Meredith is exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I know that I am going to love it here. The past week everyone has been adjusting their schedules, dropping and adding, so classes are just starting to pick up now that everyone is "settled." It's not excruciating, but enough to keep me busy.

When I first signed up for classes, some days I only had two classes, and so I thought I would have some free time in my schedule. Ha. I am now discovering all of the hidden little details of being a music major - like weekly student recitals and piano rep/studio classes, which you are required to attend but don't get credit for. And then, of course, you must attend at least 10 music performances throughout the semester and write reports on them, and find at least 15 hours a week to practice. Major requirements like this keep popping up everywhere, and by the end of the week I'm sure I will discover something new to add to this list. Fun, fun, fun.

My favorite class so far might be art; I'm taking drawing. Yesterday was our first "real" class and we mainly just tested out our new art supplies. It was a lot of fun, and somewhat messy. As soon as I looked down and realized that both my hands were entirely covered in the blackest charcoal, my nose began itching. I didn't have a mirror, but I'm sure my face was a complete mess by the end of class because I kept catching glimpses of little smirks from my classmates as I walked to the sink to clean up.

All in all, I love Meredith and it has been a wonderful first week. Oh, and I also learned a song about a gondola in ear training. Random, I know - you kind of had to be there. Or, should I say, "You just have to experience it!" They say that about nearly everything at Meredith. :)

I am a Person

I am a real person.

Although this may seem like a somewhat obvious statement, I am still in the process of understanding its full implications. Silly though it may be, since turning eighteen a couple months ago, I have been struck with a new realization of who I am as a person, as an individual. You might call it a sort of identity crisis, or quest.

It is strange to transition from being mainly associated with a family to establishing yourself as an individual person, an adult. Someone who’s reputation, who’s character, is no longer determined by the actions of their parents, but by their own individual decisions.

It's intimidating, it's scary. It's freeing, exciting, exhilarating. Here I am, a real person, able to make real decisions and to do real things. It feels as if the world is watching, beckoning me to enter but still holding it's breath, peeking around corners and peering up from a newspaper, trying to catch a glimpse and see if I will fly or fail. I, too, am holding my breath - scoping out my surroundings, anxious but ready - ready to take the plunge.

Quality Time with Photoshop

About two months ago I got a Nikon D90 camera as a graduation gift from my parents, and I still am trying to figure out how to use it. I've taken some photos with it, but I have yet to discover the functions of a lot of the fancy-schmancy buttons and things. Yesterday my sister, our friend and I decided to get together and take some pictures. It turned out to be a very fun morning trekking around in the woods, playing in creeks and climbing in tree houses. I also got to experiment more with the new camera! I thought I'd share a sampling of the shots we got.

Since school and my graphic design class ended in May, I haven't really done much design stuff, so I was exceedingly glad to have some pictures to work on. While I was on my Photoshop spree, I made a little banner for the top of the blog, too. I only wish the picture was a little longer, because it wouldn't quite fill out to the edges of the page and so I had to fill the extra space in with brownish coloring and swirls. But overall it's okay I suppose; I am especially fond of the quill pen.

Why I like Writing

I used to hate writing. Essay-writing was the task I dreaded, procrastinated, loathed. But that changed when I started taking more writing classes. Writing an essay almost every week forced me to come to terms with this enemy, and in turn I began to hate it less and love it more. Writing has become so much easier, and even pleasant. The words flow out of my fingers so fluidly, and, even when I have trouble conveying my thoughts as words on paper, I am able to write down something, at least. It is so fulfilling to put down accurately exactly what I am thinking or feeling. I have begun to journal more. I’m not sure why, but now that I can write and have experienced how wonderful it is to be able to write down your exact thoughts elegantly, I feel as if I simply must write what I’m thinking. It doesn’t matter if a task is interrupted or if it is at twelve o’clock at night, but when a new thought or feeling comes to me, I am propelled by an outside force to write, write, write. Sometimes, the only way I can sort out my thoughts clearly is if I write them down. Then, I read them to discover what I think. It seems more logical that a person would have to think through something before he writes it down, but many times I do not really know what I think until it is written and I can read it. Writing is almost a journey, a pathway to truth. Having to explain a thought or feeling in a way that is comprehensible forces a person to mull over it, turn the thought in his mind over, and over, and over, until his exact ideas are pinpointed. No matter how hard I think through something, the thought is never truly cemented in my mind until it is translated into inky marks on a sheet of paper. Not only can writing convey an idea, but it can also create an effect, and that is why it is so wonderful. Sometimes I like a soothing effect, using repetition, alliteration, sounds that sound nice. I want my writing to seem dreamy and otherworldly. I want my sentences to sound sweet, leaving readers with the desire to reread them and swish them around in their ears a while, to leave a nice taste in their mouths.

Guatemala - A Brief Overview...

I know it’s been a month since I came back from Guatemala and I haven’t said anything about it yet, but better late than never, right? It was such an exciting trip I couldn’t decide what to write about it. First of all, I am so happy that I went on the trip. It was the first time I had gone out of the country, and the first time I had flown, and I was very nervous about it. But once we got through the airport and were on the plane, any nervousness was completely dissipated and I couldn’t wait to get there. The entire week was, in a word, amazing.

On the bus ride to the home, we passed by many, many little dirt streets cluttered with crowded houses, if they could even be called houses. In the streets little children were always playing and dogs, goats, chickens and the occasional cow wandered at will.

We spent a lot of time with the kids, getting to know them, playing with them. The girls love playing jump rope! It was always fun to see how many girls they could get to jump at one time, or how fast they could go. “Rapido! Rapido!” The kids also love soccer—they play it all the time, and even the little boys are insanely good. And the little chiquitos are precious. I loved playing with them on the swings and in the playground.

While we were there, we worked on a couple different projects, including painting the little boys’ house. It went really well, and we got it almost all finished before we ran out of paint.

One thing I took away was a finer sense of just how great God is. As I was sitting in church on Sunday morning, even though I couldn’t understand all of the words to the songs we sang or all of the sermon and the prayers that were said, it was still worship. It is one thing to read in your Bible that Christ “purchased for God with [His] blood men from every tribe and tongue and people and nation,” (Rev. 5:9) but it is different to experience the vastness of God’s reach first hand.

To see and hear the Guatemalan children singing to God was so encouraging. “Santo, santo, santo/Santo, santo, santo/Yo quiero verte.” They were singing to, learning about, and worshipping the same God that I sing to, learn about, worship. It showed me God’s greatness and omnipotence in that His power, His love, extend to all corners of the globe, to all people, everywhere. Going to Guatemala and witnessing how expansive the number of His children is only makes Him seem greater, more magnificent, more powerful, more perfect. We really do serve a mighty God!

Excitement

The Summer has been a whirlwind. First was my graduation, which was so exciting for my family and I since I'm the first graduate of our homeschool! I might also add that I was valedictorian. (Even if I was the only person in my class, I think it should still count.) My grandparents, aunt and uncle, and a sweet friend who I haven't seen for a very long time came to stay with us for it and we had such a fabulous time together!

Three days after everyone went home, I left for Guatemala. A group from my church went to Agua Viva, a children's home there, and we stayed for a week, working and playing with the niños. I was nervous about going because it was my first time flying and my first time out of the country, but I am so glad I went - it was a fabulous trip! I'll be writing more about it later.

Right now I am home for the week. I have been catching up on a lot of things that I missed while I was away, and also getting ready for my next trip. On Friday my aunt and uncle are driving down and then on Sunday the three of us are heading to the Florida Keys. I am looking forward to it immensely because I've never been to Florida before and I will get to spend lots and lots of special time with my aunt and uncle. I know we will have an amazing time together and I cannot wait!

After Florida it's pretty chill. I have piano but that's about it. Most likely I'll be getting ready for college in August (I think I have some summer reading, too...) and working. This summer has been so wonderful so far, and I have a feeling there is more to come. I have a lot to share about the trip to Guatemala and I've already started writing some, so check back soon for it.

First Post!

Welcome to my new blog! After starting a blog as a project for my AP English class this year, I discovered that I rather like blogging, and would hate to give it up at the end of the school year. Because my first one was created for a specific class, I feel odd continuing to use it. So as a result, I give you my new blog, Musings of a Degenerative Bibliophile. Although the title hints at my constant craving for good books, that will definitely not be the only subject matter to fill these posts. I hope you will continue to visit Musings and stay tuned for the many, many more posts to come!